As amazing as it may sound, we have the technology to drive our existing cars on water. I first heard of this some 4 to 6 years ago while watching a Discovery channel documentary on cars and the future of cars. I learned many interesting facts about the future of cars…cars that drive themselves, cars that will be able to mend themselves when dented or even change color on command, but by far the one thing I learned that day, that really stuck with me was the fact that there was a man in our own country who had learned to burn water for fuel.

Jimmy Klein was the real deal. I watched engrossed as this man took what looked like an ordinary blow torch and cut or burned several objects of varying size and materials, with far less effort than a traditional acetylene torch would entail. It was like he had trapped the sun at the tip of his torch and even more amazing was that the torch remained cool to the touch even while burning through a think slab of metal or iron. It wasn’t long after he made this amazing discovery that he applied the same principle to his car.

Popularity: 17% [?]

All I wanted was some pizza. A nice large pie with some peppers and onions on it and a bottle of coke. Thats all I really wanted this past Sunday evening. Alas, the only pizza joint in my town does not open on the Lords day, a quality I can not mock in any way. However, this left me with only one option late on a Sunday afternoon…Chinese take out.

I ordered what I thought was a dead simple meal; a quart of chicken fried rice with an order of fried shrimp. After wrestling through the hosts broken english to order, I milled around the drab and rather dirty place waiting for my dinner. Oh how I would have run had I known what was in store for me!

I went home with my small cache of food cartons, settled down for a movie and promptly devoured it all. Bedtime rolled around and I dutifully went off to dreamland, resting myself for the long work week ahead…

Suddenly, there was pain and discomfort. I open my eyes and try to figure out what is wrong. It’s 3 am and I’m pretty sure someone must have punched me in my gut…I can’t seem to move. More pain and suddenly I’m not in bed anymore. I’m down the hall….I’m in the bathroom…how did I get here so fast?

More pain. I’m staring at my feet and somewhere someone is moaning in pain. Now in a cold sweat I realize…it’s me. My asshole is on fire…I’m confused…am I on the wrong end of a scene from ‘Oz’? No it’s my lovely Chinese dinner, making itself at home in my bowels, sending what I’m sure must be liquid fire shooting out of my ass like sparks from a roman candle.

Tuesday. My asshole’s napalm firing sessions have finally quieted down to an occasional warning shot across the bow & I have discovered that plain toast is akin to nector from God. I’m exhausted and am suffering from a slightly euphoric feeling of relief that I can only equate to the high a marathon runner gets when he finally stops running. As I lay on the couch in a heap of Pj’s and comforters, I wonder aloud,

“Was that really chicken?”

Popularity: 8% [?]

So here I am back at work staring down the drab gray pseudo-cloth covered walls of my human cage, the cubicle. I don’t know how, why, when or where it became standard practice to lock otherwise intelligent & productive people in these spirit-killing boxes but I really wish this insanity would end. I’m sure I could be amounting to a far more productive human being if I were inspired by the world going on around me rather than staring point blank into this eye-straining & soul sucking LCD for 10 hours each day. I’m always left wondering just how anything got done back in the good ‘ole office days of telephones, typewriters & ashtrays. Imagine actually communicating with another person to accomplish some goal instead of getting carpal tunnel syndrome from mindlessly point & clicking your way through the day.

Popularity: 10% [?]